I heard the click of the door and the tip-toeing of his little feet in the hallway before our bedroom door even moved an inch.
When I met his devilish smile in the hallway, he announced, "Mommy, I'm coming to sleep with you!"
Not tonight, kiddo.
I let him get away with it once this weekend, when I was too tired and sick to do anything but roll over and make some space for his little body. Within five minutes, I felt like I was taking punches from a kick boxer during hot yoga. I had to get out of there, and ended up in the kid's bed for the night. But I got my sleep.
He thought tonight was the night to try again.
Instead, we hunkered down for another round of bed time routines. We had already watched the allotted amount of iPad videos. As much as I hate to admit it, I had to say "no" to another round of books. (I know, I just died a little inside again at even putting this in writing.)
Instead I asked him to tell me about his day. We do this often, and I just love to hear the things his mind perceives about the world.
Usually I get one actual true story about his day at school and then things quickly turn into stories about ghosts, Dinotrux, or some adventure he had on a spooooooky night in the woods.
Tonight was a little different.
He gave me a beautiful run down about how he loves school and wants to keep going there. As I kept asking questions for elaboration, his answers kept getting a bit darker, a bit sadder.
This is where things usually turn a corner into the fictionalized ramblings in order to keep me in his room as long as humanly possible.
Instead I realized, my little guy has already mastered the art of saying "I'm fine" even when he's not.
He talked about how he feels shy in the morning and gets scared to go in the room.
He talks about friends who don't include him.
Friends who don't listen to him.
He talks about wanting to be by himself sometimes and how he wishes things were quiet. (I know, I know - the apple didn't fall far.)
His little lip trembles as we problem solve through many of these events. I know he does each and every one of these things to other kids - and to hear him talk about his own actions made my heart melt. He's finally at that age where he understands right and wrong. He understands mistakes and on purpose. He's starting to understand that other people have feelings too, and that our actions can affect people. He can problem solve with me and understand how to do better next time. He knows that mistakes are normal and that in the heat of them moment "he sometimes forgets" to do the right thing. But "it's ok, I'll try to remember next time."
These are the skills I try to instill in my eighth graders every day - but never really get to see if they take root or not. Today, I saw "grit" and "growth mindset" starting to emerge from my little guy - and I couldn't be prouder of him.
Today I felt like I won a battle over the Dark Lord. Today there was a little bit of hope for our future.
And if that wasn't good enough, after I told him it was time for us both to go to bed - for real this time - he looked up at me and said, "But Mommy, I have one more story to tell you."
So I situated myself for one more story - with patience oozing out of my eyeballs - when he said...
"I love you Mommy, goodnight."
<3
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